In this episode, I sit down with Stevenson Carlebach, a faculty member with Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, to talk about what’s really happening when people resist.

We begin with his path from theater into negotiation work. What stands out is how closely those worlds connect, both are about understanding behavior and how people respond under pressure.

A core idea we explore is resistance. Stevenson explains that resistance is not stubbornness, it’s a protective reaction. When someone hears a proposal, they are asking: Does this make sense? Does it meet my interests? Do I trust this person? If the answer to any of those is no, resistance shows up. Most of us respond by pushing harder, which only makes it worse.

This leads into the Influence Equation. Influence is not just about the strength of your ideas, but your ability to understand and reduce the other person’s resistance. That shift moves you from arguing to getting curious.

We also talk about positions versus interests. People argue over what they want, but the real work is understanding why they want it. Until you get to that level, you stay stuck.

A big part of that comes down to listening. Not listening to respond, but listening to understand what’s driving the other person. Most people think they do this, but they don’t.

The takeaway is straightforward: conflict moves when you understand what’s underneath the resistance, not when you push harder.

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